Is comparing ourselves to others healthy or even necessary?

Doug, a good friend of mind, a Man of deep thought, who I admire and respect deeply, recently gave me some appetizing  food for thought which I gladly share with you folks of Enterprising Minds. He said the following:"When we compare ourselves to others we confine ourselves to one of two destructive attitudes, superiority or envy".

I responded by asking: "where does Respect, Admiration and consequently emulation come in then?"

Doug replied that he was thinking of the kind of comparison that is based on what the other has, and not on who they are.

I asked that because Doug said "Comparing ourselves to others"... and not comparing what we have to what others have or comparing our possessions, our professions or our family situations (marriage, kids, single, divorced....etc). Even then, are we not but the sum of all we have worked hard to obtain? Whether it is material possession, social status, professional position, knowledge, enlightenment or whatever it is we strive to obtain? Why limit the result of a comparison, any comparison to those 2 negative end results: the "destructive attitudes of Superiority or Envy"? There is room for so much more.

There's always room for improvement. Comparing ourselves to others is a natural process. It underlines our perpetual quest for betterment. One could deduct from this statement that we are never satisfied with what we have, that Greed is inferred by that very desire to constantly get more. Will we ever be happy with what we have, with who we have become? The problem lies within that very question. Happiness should not be defined as a line in the sand we have crossed over.

Happiness is not a goal or a destination, it is a state of mind. You either are or you are not. If you are not happy during the journey how can you expect to be happy once you've reached your destination? if you have to compare yourself to anyone, there are a multitude of "feelings" you should have, most of them positive, and if there is any negative feeling, it should only be a sense of frustration, for lagging behind your own sense of where you should be on your journey. In my opinion the only healthy and true competition in life is the one we have with ourselves. Just like an athlete truly competes against his own stats, not anyone else.

The information one gleans from the achievement of others should only be notches on one's own measuring stick. Better your own score, use someone who has achieved more as a goal for you to meet on your road to bettering yourself. Bring your score to par with that other person ahead of you. Do not compare yourself to him/her but to the mile post they have reached on their journey and compare it with where you are now on your own journey. That is the true measure of a HUMAN BEING. The measure against one's own accomplishment, using the performances of others to remind one that since other humans have done it, it is therefore possible for one to do it too. Unless we truly don't believe that all men are born equal, despite physical differences.

All is possible. Some adaptation will always apply because we can only run our own race. We cannot run anybody else race just like we can never walk in another man's shoes, not for a mile, not for a single step. We can only step with our own feet. Once we understand that, the only feelings we should have when comparing ourselves with others is either, satisfaction with distance we have covered so far or frustration born of impatience to reach one's goal.

Other people's achievements are just sign posts on the side of the road to our goal. The runner cannot feel superior to the finish line just because he crossed it. Just like he cannot feel envy to the sign post that says "25 miles to Finish line" on a 26 mile marathon. Those are just indicators on the dashboard of our life as we navigate through it on this wonderful journey. In Life, the Journey is the destination. What else is there but the journey? Death.

Before Christophe Lemaitre, the French Sprinter, knocked the 10" barrier of the 100 meter dash, no one thought that a White Man could do it. It had never been done. Now that he did it, he is aiming at Usain Bolt's record, he now knows that he belongs to the same species as that seemingly extra terrestrial Man. Just as Bolt keeps breaking records, others follow on his steps.  Yohann Blake never thought he could beat the Fastest man in the world until he actually did it twice. By doing so he brought the Demi-God Usain Bolt back down to earth among us common mortals and it energized a whole bunch of athletes who pushed themselves to keep up with Bolt, now that it has been proven that he can be beaten. Bolt on the other hand, just got the incentive he needed on his road to better himself and remain the fastest man in the world. He will keep breaking records, pushed by the record breakers nipping at his heels. He is truly competing against himself, his own record. THAT is the true and only competition one should have. The others are just examples to either emulate or keep as reminder of what NOT to do.


So when we compare ourselves to a fellow traveler on the road to enlightenment, we should feel compassion if that traveler is struggling, lost in the dark in spite of his wishes and efforts, and, if we can lend a hand, we should particularly since it is part of our trip (why else is that person on your path). If is just a name mentioned in the news or someone we know personally and that person is further ahead than we are, envy should not be what we feel, but a sense of satisfaction, because that person just materialized for you the reality of your goal. What you formulated in your mind as a future milestone to reach on your journey, without truly knowing if it is possible to reach it, that person just made it possible for you simply by reaching it him/herself.

Comparing ourselves to others is destructive if it generates envy, or worse, a sense of inferiority. It that is the case, it also means that you lack confidence, self worth, self motivation and need help.  It is just as destructive if it generates a sense of Superiority since it would indicate that you have a over blown opinion of yourself and that leads to misjudging the size of the impediments lying on the road ahead of you. Over-confidence is just as fatal in Business and Life in general as is the lack of self-confidence. One leads to underestimating the dangers encountered on the way and potentially crash head on to the wall that is REALITY. The other leads to overestimate the level of difficulties to move forward and consequently abandon the current path to success for a safer but less rewarding one and what could possibly be a dead end path.

Taking all of that into consideration, is comparing ourselves to others necessary? if you have a healthy dose of self confidence and  are self motivated,  probably not. Is it healthy? Absolutely, but only if it is done in a positive way. In a way that spurs you ahead and inspires you to keep pushing, keep trying and be an example, a role model for those who come after on their own journey.